Cynthia (Cyndy) Lynette Stucker (1959-2008)

MEN! ARE YOU REALLY TOUGH ENOUGH FOR PINK?
READ THIS AND FIND OUT FOR YOURSELF!

Hello, my name is Dale Stucker, & I imagine you’re wondering why I’m here.

Shortly before my wife Cyndy passed away in July 2008 she told me, “Dale, if you can use our story to help others, its ok with me.” I promised her I would. Recently the Komen Survivor’s Dinner Committee heard about my story & invited me to share with the banquet guests our family's story. I was asked, “Dale, are you sure you can do this? It hasn’t been that long.” My reply; “If I can help prevent for others the pain and heartache that our family has suffered, then I must”. And so I did.

(See the article in the Idaho Press Tribune for coverage on that story.)

In 2001 Cyndy was 42 years old and I was 43. We were quite busy with the everyday things of living and livelihood. Our life together as husband and wife was 14 years young and we were blessed with two young sons and daughters to raise. The six of us was the perfect number as far as I was concerned. Life was busy, but that was normal and it was good. That normalcy crashed down around us in early November that same year when to our dismay Cyndy was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer; the disease having already spread far into her lymphatic system. Immediately she underwent a modified radical left breast mastectomy, had 18 lymph nodes removed (17 of which were invasive), started the first of many rounds of oral and port accessed chemotherapy; followed afterwards by radiation to the chest, shoulder and neck, and, once that was done, began a five year long regimen of anti-estrogen hormonal therapy. Thankfully the aggressive treatment she received forced the already advanced cancer into remission where we enjoyed several more years together as a family.

I will forever be grateful to the team of professionals who fought so valiantly for Cyndy in battling her cancer. I went with & supported Cyndy in every appointment & checkup she went to. I observed firsthand the care & dedication that was extended her. Their ability to bring hope & encouragement in the face of despair & despondency then and now is absolutely nothing short of miraculous.

In January 2007 our hope for permanent victory over the disease was dashed when it was discovered to have metastasized in her bones. With additional treatment we were able to forestall the inevitable for another 18 months until she passed away from complications at home surrounded by friends & family early Sunday morning July 6th, 2008, just six hours after witnessing our eldest daughter’s wedding at her bedside.

The question could be asked, rather, should be asked, why was Cyndy diagnosed with stage III breast cancer? I’ll tell you. Before her diagnosis Cyndy had never, not even once, had a mammogram taken or had any kind of cancer pre-screening performed. To make matters worse, when she felt her lumps for the first time (long before we actually did anything about it) she, no, we incorrectly assumed that it was probably the result of child bearing, or the fact that her left breast had always been just a little different than the right one, or maybe she was just getting a little older. All the while backing up those assumptions with the excuse, “I can’t go in, it’s too expensive, besides, it can’t be cancer, we don’t have a family history of breast cancer”.

My God! Here she was exhibiting all the signs & symptoms & we’re ignoring them for all the wrong reasons! Besides, who needs a family history for breast cancer when all you have to do is start one yourself? By the way, I include myself to be as culpable as Cyndy for our horrible lack of good judgment & our inability to err on the side of caution. More than any time in my entire life, I understand now the meaning of that simple little phrase: “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure”. Simply put we squandered our golden window of opportunity. Had we availed ourselves of proactive screenings & mammograms we could have saved hundreds of thousands of dollars & quite probably saved Cyndy’s life where together we both could have seen all the good things that can come with having a wonderful family. That won’t happen now.

What I have to say next can be equally important to both men and women, but right now I want to focus my direction toward the men. Gentlemen, lets do some imagining here. I want you to think of a special lady close to you who has never been screened for cancer or had a mammogram. She could be your wife, your daughter, a niece, your mom or a special friend that you know. Now imagine she has just been diagnosed with stage III breast cancer & now that special lady, just like so many women before her, is a survivor & is doing everything she humanly can to fight back. Now I need you to Imagine surviving the loss of your survivor. The disease was just too advanced & there was nothing else that could be done. You’re imagining this because someone didn’t take the time to encourage her to get a mammogram or some form of pre-screening for cancer when it could have made a difference, & now it’s too late. She’s gone. And you know what? You just couldn’t have imagined that it could have happened to her.

Men, I challenge you to use the Susan G. Komen theme “Imagine…” in a new way. From now on say to yourself, “Imagine the difference I can make!” That’s right. Imagine the difference you can make to your wife, your daughter, your niece, your mother or your friend because ten years ago you insisted they get screened or had that mammogram done and received early and successful treatment. Imagine now, after ten years, the joy of your wife at your side in bed at night. Imagine your daughter, the proud mother of your grandchild, sitting next to you on the bleachers at the ballpark watching her son hit a homer. Imagine the feast you had last Thanksgiving because your niece is such an amazing cook. Imagine the cruise to Alaska your parents just took after dreaming about it for years. Imagine enjoying those card games you and your wife enjoy with your best friends every week. And you know what? You didn’t have to imagine a thing because it was you who made the difference for all these people. You gave them back their future.

Gentlemen one out of every seven women will get breast cancer. Right now there are thousands of “Cyndys” who even now are undecided about when, or even if they should go and get checked. You must commit to make it your duty to empower them to do the right thing. Do not hinder them by your silence for it can be as deadly a killer as breast cancer itself. This is not a game; it’s a battle for lives of people we love. Don’t pass your responsibility to others. It’s not fair to them, to yourself, and especially not fair to the ones you love. Gentlemen, lets do our part to make sure the women in our lives receive the total support they need. They deserve no less.

Thank you for reading this. God is good. He will see us through. I rejoice with you folks that have already beaten back the monster that cancer is. My prayers are for all who are striving to defeat that monster. And finally, my heart goes out to all of you who even now suffer through what our family has suffered through because, I know, it hurts like Hell.

Dale Stucker

Thank you for coming! I’m honored (and I’m sure Cyndy would be too) to know that you dropped by for a visit. This web page is our family’s attempt to share with you Cyndy’s memorial service (both happy and sad) and many other special moments that took place all throughout Cyndy’s life. There were many and they were wonderful. Please be sure to say ‘Hi’ (post a tribute or condolence,”light” a candle, or email) before leaving!

Cyndy’s memorial service was held just 38 hours after her passing. The Meridian church was filled to capacity, with hundreds of people attending. In the front of the church was a display of some of Cyndy’s favorite things. The service lasted for three hours, much of it taken up with friends and loved ones standing and sharing their memories of Cyndy.

Several videos and slideshows were shown during the service and are available here for you to view & enjoy. (For security reasons, Cyndy’s maiden name is not mentioned in this web page. Thank you for understanding.) Again, thanks for coming. I hope you enjoy this memorial page as much as I have enjoyed putting it together! Please don’t leave before the surprise happy ending!

- Dale

As people arrived, memorial bookmarks were handed out, taking the place of traditional 3×5 folded mini-bulletins which usually end up in a photo album or trash can. Thank you, Margie, for providing these wonderful mementos of Cyndy’s life.

(Sorry but the audio for this slide show was disabled by WMG due to copyright issues)

The eulogy was presented by Preston, Cyndy’s older brother. He shared several memories of her growing up and spoke of God’s granting Cyndy eight more event-filled years – and how we really don’t know what God’s plans are for us.

My sister-in-law, Vanessa Stucker, then read an essay written by Cyndy entitled “Who I am in Christ”. Cyndy wrote it while attending Multnomah School of the Bible in 1982. After reading it Vanessa took a moment and shared with everyone why Cyndy was such a bright spot in her life.

After the tributes I introduced a video named “Don’t Cry Out”. It is a stick-figure animation/music video of the song “Don’t Cry Out”, sung by the rock group Shiny Toy Guns. Our son Phil created the animation using Microsoft Paint, Movie-Maker, and Sony Vegas. (For those who don’t know, this is a Hurculean task.) As a junior in high school, Phil entered the video at the Boise State University film festival here in Boise. It took first place in the animation category and overall “people’s choice” award, beating out even College level entries. He started the project on a whim as a sophomore in high school and it took almost a year to create. As it took shape, I realized the story it told reflected in many ways much of the feelings I felt towards our battle with Cyndy’s cancer. The escalating emotional struggles and methods associated with fighting the disease – along with its “ultimate solution” (and separation) – strikes me to the core every time I see it. I can’t count the times when I – just like the characters in the video – felt like screaming out in frustration and anguish, only to find myself swallowing hard and holding on. As you watch the video, perhaps you can begin to see why it had such an impact on me. Perhaps it may strike a chord in you as well.

(Please be patient. Audio for this video is fine and was allowed by WMG. Audio does not begin until the actual music video begins at 1:24.)

My Daughter, Casandra, then read a poem entitled “Time To Say Goodbye”. The poem is actually the lyrics to a song originally written in Italian. When translated, these lyrics reveal very well how Cyndy and I felt as the end drew near, especially with respect to the lost opportunities of travelling this life together. Some time ago, Casandra shared the song and lyrics with Cyndy and she loved it. Here are the lyrics.

You may wonder why the last image in the previous video was of Cyndy, me, Casandra and a young man next to her. Well, that young man’s name happens to be Nathan Walter and this photograph was taken the day they announced their engagement to the world early this last spring. Nathan and Casandra first met, years ago, at Sis-Q Meadows Youth camp, where Nathan immediately fell in love with Casandra. (Cassie took a little longer.) He recently moved to Idaho, found a job, and proposed to Casandra. She accepted and the wedding was set for early September, 2008.

I mentioned earlier that this story has a good ending. So, now it’s time to celebrate one of the happiest and I am certain one of the most fulfilling moments of Cyndy’s life – even though it ocurred only a few days and hours before her death. As you now know, Cyndy’s breast cancer had taken a significant turn for the worse, and knowing that time was short, the Lord had arranged circumstances for ALL of her immediate family (many from out of state and in some cases planned for months in advance), most of my family, as well as Casandras future in-laws, to come visit and celebrate with us the 4th of July here in Meridian at our home. On Friday the 4th, we had over 50 people at our home, visiting with Cyndy and lighting lots of fireworks. (We even had a visit from the local fire marshall – who let us go with just a warning.) We wheeled Cyndy’s bed next to the front window so she could watch all the action and visit with everyone. She was literally having the Time Of Her Life (pun intended) – and wouldn’t have traded it for the world!

As Cyndy’s condition continued to progress we knew that there was still one peice of unfinished business that Cyndy wanted to see completed. Ever since she was first diagnosed with 4th stage breast cancer in 2001 (we were very blessed to have had almost seven more years together), it had always been her wish to live long enough to see all of her children finish Elementary School, which she accomplished, and to witness at least one of her children’s marriage; to see her duty and circle in life completed. With this in mind, Casandra, Nathan, Cyndy and I had secretly invited Casandra’s future in-laws (Tim & Peggy Walter) to come to Idaho that weekend to allow Cyndy to see her wish come true. Plans were made to have a private Sacred wedding ceremony on Sunday morning – to be attended only by eight people. (Casandra & Nathan, Tim & Peggy, Cyndy & myself, pastor Monico Muffley and his wife, Martha.)

By Saturday afternoon, we could tell that Cyndy quite possibly wouldn’t make it to Sunday morning. So I called Dean (my twin brother) and asked hiim to come as quickly as possible with a recorder. Dean grabbed his camcorder and arrived to find the normally crowded house empty with the exception of the eight of us – nine including pastor Monico’s infant daughter. Dean immediately realized what was happening, set up the camcorder and left. The rest of our guests who were staying at the house had “conveniently” taken all the kids to the park. (Thank you!)

We began the wedding ceremony at 9:00 pm. Now essentially too weak to move her limbs and unable to open her eyes for more than just a brief moment, Cyndy was still able to participate in the ceremony by puckering her lips for kisses and giving a fleeting smile when it came time for taking pictures. She even mouthed the word ‘cheese’ when everyone was commanded to do so. Shortly afterward everyone was invited back to the house and visiting continued to well past midnight. Less than five hours later Cyndy died peacefully in her sleep, knowing that life-long goals of hers had been accomplished.

The very next day, Cyndy’s memorial service ended with a touching video montage of pictures from the wedding ceremony, followed by a presentation of the newly married couple and an invitation to the Civil ceremony on September the 7th, 2008. (Lucky Kids – they get to celebrate two anniversaries!) After the applause ended, people left the service feeling that they had just attended both a memorial service AND a wedding reception. Here is the wedding ceremony, set to Bett Midler’s The Rose.

(Sorry, this time the video and audio portions were disabled. You can view the photos that were in the video in the photo album posted below the video box.)

It is my pleasure to say that Casandra and Nathan are now married in the sight of God and their parents. Please pray for them as the Lord directs their lives as they travel thier lifelong journey together.

At Cyndy’s request, the graveside service was limited to immediate family only. (Parents, Children, Siblings, inlaws and a few of the cousins.) The service was Messianic in nature and was quite short. An old Jewish mourners prayer and a Christian prayer were given and a shofar horn was sounded. (One short blast for birth, a long blast for life, another short blast for death, and one very long blast with a rising pitch at the end for eternal life.) White roses and blue lilacs (actually “butterfly bush” flowers) were placed on her coffin. A sealed photograph of our last family photo, as well as Cyndy’s last Survivors medallion for the Race for the Cure, was placed inside the coffin in the crook of her arm.
(Audio and video OK)

After the service, everyone soon left. To me the service was not yet quite finished. Dean stayed with me and, together, we watched as the casket was lowered… Now we can go home.

Thank you for taking the time to come and celebrate with me, just one more time, the full life of my soulmate Cyndy. I know that many of you would have loved to have attended the services but were unable. I hope this will suffice.

Please do write a line and say “Hi!”. You may use the Candle section located near the top of the memorial for a short one liner or feel free to share your thoughts and memories of Cyndy in the Tributes and Condolences section located just below. Just click on the “post new condolence” link at the bottom of the Tributes and Condolences section to begin. If you prefer you can email me personally by using the email link located just below the Candles section. I look forward to reading them all!

Thank you …... Love to you all. – Dale